I Shoulda Told you from the moment I meant you
by anamaric17
Summary: Anamaria can't believe Jack could be so blind...
1. Chapter 1

Title: "I shoulda told you from the moment I meant you." (1/3)

Author: villegirl17 aka Brittley

Rating: Maybe PG-13

Pairing: Anamaria and Jack

Summary: Anamaria can't believe Jack could be so blind...

Disclaimer: I own the POTC movies in only a copy of them not the rights or characters, and some memorabilla but that's it.

Pt. 1

She stared out at the waves on the distant horizon. Her spirit low and her heart heavy with longing as a secret so damning lay nestled there and her fear to accept it leaving her drained. She could never tell him, and she probably would remain like she was. She felt the ocean spray her face and closing her eyes, she imagined she was far away from him. Her daydreaming didn't last much longer.

"Ana luv, what's ya up to starin' out into the sea?"

She cringed tensing up around the shoulders hearing him talk to her was gonna be the death of her one day. Plus, it always annoyed her that he thought he should be able to call her 'luv' and shorten her whole name. No matter how many times she asked him to call her by her whole name, he never did. That arrogant smile of his would appear and he'd say something stupid that would have her smiling too. Well, not this time he couldn't count on it.

Spinning around, she met his blazing brown eyes making her choke on any hostile reply in her head. His eyes might have been brown, just as brown as her own, but the way the sun was shining in them made him look like an angel. She looked away not wanting to be caught staring at him and pretending to be indifferent.

"Nuthin' that concerns you Jack, besides I'm off duty."

"Captain. Captain Jack."

"Sorry, captain sir."

She went back to staring out at the sea wishing he'd take a hint that she didn't want his company and leave. Lowing her head she only wanted it to be as easy to forget him and the hurtful things he said about her. How could she be nursing a wounded heart if the man causing it was looking over her shoulder every five minutes. She swallowed down the tightening in her throat knowing it was the start of fresh tears. She remembered how she cried the night Jack was left on that island with Barbossa, and his men along with the blacksmith she ignored most of the time he was on the ship, and that all too good Elizabeth. She even blamed her and wished her to hell because Jack wouldn't have been in that mess if she hadn't managed to get kidnapped. Eventually, she put those thoughts away, and forced the crew to return looking for Jack. Upon finding him not there, she jumped out the ship stupidly and swam into the dark cave unarmed screaming his name. There was little relief in finding out from another pirate ship that Jack had been taken to Port Royal to be hung. All she could think was she wasn't going to save him in time, and that she could never tell him what she felt.

She shook her head remembering how little it mattered when Jack returned to the Black Pearl. In fact, it didn't matter at all if she told him anything because he was so busy for the first few weeks that he didn't pay attention to anything she said. Feeling let down and ignored, she had went to his cabin unannouced only a few days ago, and to her dismay he wasn't alone. Turns out Jack and Gibbs had been planning on asking her to leave.

"She's only a woman Gibbs, why is she such a threat to you?" Jack had commented sounding annoyed with the conversation and her hope had shot up. That was until Gibbs explained how if she left, that her share of the loot found in the future could be split less if she wasn't there.

"That's a good point Mr. Gibbs...no I can't. I can't just turn her away. Ana's like my..." Jack had said getting confused on his own words and Anamaria had stood in the dark waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to tell Gibbs to bugger off and that he wouldn't betray her.

"Do you think you might...I dunno have _feelings_ for ms. Ana sir?" Gibbs had asked nervously and she started to tiptoe away not really wanting him to answer that question. She already knew he claimed her heart and soul but she was rather sure also that Jack belonged only to one woman and that was the Pearl.

"I feelings for all womankind Gibbs. Anamaria is no different but...we are friends and that's as much as I intend to give her."

"Are you sure sir?? I mean, she's staying?"

"Yes. Now don't go bringing this up to her. I don't think she should know you tried to get me to throw her overboard."

"Aye aye Captain!"

She left just after that afraid she would get caught and with her heart in her mouth. Jack didn't love her and he never would. All those wasted years waiting for him and it lead to this. Why was her life so miserable?? So that night she decided that she was going to leave the Pearl the next time they made land, either that or she was jumping in the sea.

"Are you just gonna stand there luv?"

She left her thoughts and was mad now. She would take the stupid pet name when she knew it had no value to it and she would allow him to shorten her name for his own use like they were really close when they were anything but. However, she didn't want to talk to him, didn't want him monitoring her, and he was starting to make her want to hit him.

"What do you want Jack? I've done my work and if you're here to ask me to do more than ask me. Otherwise leave me alone to my thoughts."

He looked stun for a split second before the emotion was masked like always with a familiar grin. Despite herself her soul melted a little seeing him like that. Surely he was going to be the death of her.

"No need to get upset Ana savvy?? I wasn't going to tell you to get back to work."

Jack paused getting closer to her and she wanted more than anything to leave the spot she was at. Subconsciously she wanted more than anything for him to tell her something nice but she was damned if he'd catch her off guard again.

"Well??" She said impatiently. His smile disappeared before he sighed twirling a finger through his braided beard. She only watched him with mixed emotions. She was amazed at how his subtle ways could take her breath away.

" Ana, I wanted to say sorry for ignoring you these last few days."

"Don't Jack. Just leave me be!" She said through gritted teeth hoping he would leave.

"Anamaria."

Jack's eyes seemed to be pleading for her to listen but she wouldn't. Her heart was his and he didn't want it, and she was too bitter to talk at the moment.

"Captain please...not now."

She said and started to saunter away back to her room. He grabbed her wrist and try as she might, she wasn't that strong.

"Let me go you daft monkey!"

She screamed righting herself just enough to turn and slap him full on. He took it without a word and only held on tighter.

"Anamaria stop this please and just talk to me."

She begun thrashing around but found that useless too. As she gave up struggling, she also gave up holding in the tears. She bowed her head so her hair could hide them, but it didn't matter. She didn't care what he thought of her anymore. She wailed low in her throat before she could stop it and Jack pulled her in his arms.

"Shh Anamaria. Shh...I'm so sorry for whatever it was I did to hurt you."

She only nodded wanting to believe it and hoping that maybe she heard wrong about his conversation with Gibbs. She risked her life for him and she wanted to believe whatever he'd tell her. At that thought, she remembered where she was and who she was. She went stiff in his arms knowing she couldn't do this to herself. She had to get away from him even if that meant jumping to her death in the middle of the bone chilling ocean.

"Jack let me go. Please."

"What?"

"I know you say you're sorry, but I don't think you truly know what you're suppose to be apologizing to me for so just...just let me go."

Jack ignored her words it seemed as he wiped a few of her tears away. When he brought her face upwards to stare into her eyes she wanted to cry again. His eyes were so dark and so serious that it frightened her to see him so. Before she could protest again to him holding her, his lips were upon her own. She closed her eyes hating herself for it but desperately needing the touch of him. His skin like silk and tasting of rum and salt but she didn't pull away just yet. She honestly didn't know why she didn't protest or fight harder but perhaps she was just all out of fighting. When he pulled away she refused to open her eyes until she heard him speaking to her.

"You don't have to go Ana. Luv, whatever it is I did, just tell me and I swear I'll make it right."

Fresh tears began to fall from her eyes making her feel even more out of place. Usually she was so tough that not even battle wounds made her cry but she seriously was all out of hope. She wondered why he was doing this and why now.

"You can't take back not wanting what others give you freely Jack!" she cried vehemently before breaking free and racing to her cabin. Once safely away from him with the door locked, she stopped to catch her breath only when her face hit the pillow. She curled into a ball and silenty wept until she could no longer stay awake. She drifted off to sleep like she did some many times as a frightened child on her father's plantation. Alone and full of sorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Things can be confusing at times

Title: "I shoulda told you from the moment I meant you." (2/3)

Author: villegirl17 aka Brittley

Rating: Maybe PG-13

Pairing: Anamaria and Jack

Summary: Anamaria can't believe Jack could be so blind...

Disclaimer: I own the POTC movies in only a copy of them not the rights or characters, and some memorabilla but that's it.

Pt. 2

He watched her go but he had no clue exactly what he should do. Was she really that upset about his ignoring her for the pass few days. Not that it was intentionally done, he just had a few things to come to terms with including not dying at the gallows for one. She should be able to understand that much at least he was sure. So why the tears he wondered and what in Davy Jones' Hell posessed him to kiss her like that. Of course he was feeling upset for her but he never done that before. Not to say he hadn't thought of it, but to act on it was definitely like signing his own death certificate. Anamaria was not the kind of woman you kissed and got to tell others about...well except for today.

"We must all be losin' it I suppose."

He told himself under his breath and shaking his head, but all the same he still felt the pain of guilt of doing something to her. It wouldn't let him breathe as he felt the feeling settle in around him. How did they come to this?

The more he thought about it the more confused he became. Anamaria had always meant more to him than he let on. Ever since seeing her scared and alone on the auction block that day, he never for a second let her out of his sight. He partially kept his feelings for her, whatever they may be or however serious they were, locked for safety. Knowing how low his enemies would stoop to get his attention, he could just see it now. One word about Ana and harming her and he would be at their mercy. He already knew without a doubt that if push came to shove he would gladly die for her. But what of that really?? He could see himself dying for anyone close to him, even Gibbs. The other part of keeping himself from her was cowardice. He never expected her to really want to leave the Pearl, and he never expected to be asked about how he felt for her by Gibbs or anyone. He was honestly at a lost for words when he asked him about her. Hell, he couldn't call her a friend really even if she risked her life for him, but she was no common whore either. In fact, he would kill the first man brave enough to even suggest that she was. He stared out at the sea like she had moments before he came over to her and vaguely wondered if she was thinking about him like he was of her. Did she even think of him in terms of more than just a captain or a legend??

"Cap'n?"

He sighed running a hand down his face and resting his head on the railing. He didn't have to look up to know who was coming over to see him.

"Aye?"

"Are...are you alright Cap'n?"

He nodded finally looking up at his friend Gibbs and feeling anything but alright. His head was so clouded with thoughts of her and his heart was guilty. What if she overheard them the other night he thought. Could that be why she was crying?? He looked back out at the sea really feeling the start of a headache now. If she heard him say that he thought of her like every other woman he couldn't blame her for being mad. However, that didn't explain why she acted like she didn't want to talk to him. Could he mean more to her too?? If so, there was only one thing he could do for her...set her free.

"Mr. Gibbs, set course for Tortuga."

"But Captain it's about 10 miles off course."

"Don't you think I know that?! Just do it anyway."

He didn't wait for a response as he headed for his own cabin. He had to get away from that spot on the Pearl and those thoughts. He had to clear his mind or at least dull it for awhile and the best way to do that was with rum.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: "I shoulda told you from the moment I meant you." (3/3)

Author: villegirl17 aka Brittley

Rating: Maybe PG-13

Pairing: Anamaria and Jack

Summary: Anamaria can't believe Jack could be so blind...

Disclaimer: I own the POTC movies in only a copy of them not the rights or characters, and some memorabilla but that's it.

Pt. 3

_She dreamed of her father who had also been her slavemaster although she never felt like a slave with him. Growing up in Hispanola had been beautiful and dangerous. It had been a wonderful, emotional time for her and a hell all in its own. _

_She thought of learning to read and write and sing and dance with her half French sister Bella who was her junior by four years. Her life on the plantation had been great until her father died and his brother Julian took over when she was 10. After that, he reminded her everyday that she was worthless in the eyes of her country in him particularly. With her mother long dead from her second child birthing which resulted in her little brother Lucas, she was alone. Lucas had been forced to work in America by her uncle and Bella was shipped to an England boarding school. Her uncle, she remembered made sure she knew her place and right before trying to escape she had been whipped and sold. _

_Her dreams shifted to the day Jack found her and bought her from that slave auction. Her heart had pounded in her chest knowing he was different. Knowing he could save her...so why was he her torturer now she thought..._

She woke up laying there panting from the dreams of her past and of Jack. Her hair wild and spread underneath her as she lay there just thinking and catching her bearings. Was she always so jumpy she thought. She turned her head to look at the little window and saw that it was night. Although she'd rather stay in bed she had to get up for her nightly duties of helping to keep watch. Also, her stomach was quietly but sternly reminding her she hadn't eaten anything but an apple.

So, she made it below deck first to claim a spot at the dinner table wearily having to pass the Captain's quarters to get there. She took a deep breath and was safely three steps pass his cabin when the door suddenly swung back wide.

"Ana luv, what are ye doin'?"

She sighed closing her eyes damning her lucky stars that he was awake and from what she could tell only slightly drunk. However, it wouldn't be the same man if he were sober she knew, and yet there was never enough rum to get him to pass out cold. She had been hoping for him to be asleep from drinking so that he would leave her alone but it seemed not to be. She turned to him glaring really and hoping that the look would send her message home.

"I'm going to eat Jack. Is there any reason why you are deterring me from that?"

Normally he would be at her throat with the 'Captain Jack Luv. You're forgetting the Captain.'; and normally she would try to be nice and say 'sorry Captain sir.' However, she didn't honestly care at the moment.

He smiled throwing her off a bit and making her take a step back as she wondered what he was up to now. They remained like that for some time, him smiling and her wearily looking up with suspense.

"Well you might want to come in here first because-"

"Like Hell!! What do you want? I mean it, whatever it is you can tell me now and here so I can be on my way!"

She said determined never to end up alone with him again. The kiss earlier was bad enough at destroying her practiced indifference, she didn't need a repeat of it or worse. He sighed seeing she wasn't joking, before he put up a finger and his smile widened. He signaled for her to wait there and then he disappeared back in his quarters. She had half a mind to leave then seeing it was the safer option but she didn't think he'd forgive her if she did. Nervously, she crossed her arms over her overly large white blouse and waited. Biting her lower lip, she took a look around the deck making sure none of the rest of the crew seen her waiting outside his open door. She could just hear the rumors now of how she became another conquest for the infamous Captian Jack Sparrow. No matter how much it hurt to love him and not have it returned, she could never allow herself to be that low. Not for him, not for any man.

"Got it and it was hard to find by the way!"

Jack exclaimed returning to the open doorway but without whatever it was he had been searching for. He begged her to come in once more before warning her that he would stand there all night until she did. She complied not trying to talk to him all night let alone miss dinner but only when she was sure no one would see her go in.

"I should have stayed asleep."

She mumbled to herself as she heard his door close behind her with a soft click. Refusing to go any further in his room than she had too, she turned to face him.

"Well??"

He tilted his head as if he were truly seeing her for the first time and it made her fidget where she stood. Not once could she remember him doing something like that with her. In a way, it was like he was trying to remember her like she was going to disappear at any moment. She wanted to hit him and walk away but she knew that would only resolve her problems with him momentarily.

She risked looking in his eyes and immediately saw all the sadness there. It touched her heart, not that she'd admit it but it really did. As she was about the ask once more what he wanted with her, he spoke.

"You know after you ran off deck, Ana, I spent the rest of the day just thinking of you. I came to a decision about why you might be mad and how to fix it about...oh about an hour ago."

She froze wanting to run when he said that and her heart jumped up to her throat. It was sending chills up her spine knowing he had actually spend time thinking about her. Then it hit her, maybe he was ready to take Gibbs up on the offer and throw her off the Pearl. Could he really just toss her aside like she meant nothing?? Did all those years of watching after each other mean nothing to him?

"That's fine...what did you decide then Jack?"

"I'm taking us to Tortuga Anamaria and so...so if you want out of the crew because of whatever it is I did, no one will stop you."

He looked away as he spoke like it was hurting him to let her go, however, she felt it was more to do with money than anything else. It stung her pride to think that she was really no more than a deckhand to him. She frowned confused by the whole scene. Minutes before he was begging her to come in the cabin and was so jolly. Now he was telling her she could leave if she wanted and that he spend the entire day thinking about telling her that. She nodded and sighed before taking a step towards the door, but she didn't get far before he was holding onto her arm to stop her.

"Tell me Ana, tell me what happened to make you want to leave?? Did you save me just to leave again...it's killing me Ana!"

Stupidly, her heart jumped as hope arose. What if he really did think of her as more than just another woman he could protentially add to his list. Did he really care for her on some level?? She destroyed the hope by thinking if she told him the truth, there would be a sure mockery of her feelings in store. Not that he would ever say so to her face, but she could tell that he would get her on the quickest ship away from him.

"There's nothing to say Jack. You owe me a ship, and it's clear that you don't plan to honor that agreement. So, I think it's good that we're headed to Tortuga. I'm just tired of it all Jack...I need to get out there on my own and make a name for myself."

"You already have a name for yourself Ana you know that, and I don't think that's it. Come on, I've known you since you were 15 and you're telling you just want to up and leave the Pearl."

She wouldn't look at him hating to lie to him like that but hating it more that he called her on it. She known from an early start that men like Jack Sparrow only loved one thing and that was themselves. Still she wasted her time and her youth giving him her heart.

"Yes I came back to save you Jack because despite the nasty things said about me I'm no betrayer. I didn't do that for some stupid accord we had either ok,but I'm done being your first mate!"

Her face was flushed but her brown skin hid it well. She never liked getting upset with him because it wasn't often when she'd win. However he only nodded this time like the fight to find out the truth behind her anger was taken out of him.

"Fine you may leave, but just take this before you leave. Please, I actually bought it in case...well in case this happened one day."

He pointed to the bookshelf and she turned to see what it was. She saw a tiny box placed there that she hadn't noticed there before. Immediately, she shook her head no not wanting whatever it was he bought her. It wouldn't make her get over him any faster if when she left, she had whatever was in the box with her.

"Ana please...it's just a going away present and I swear on my mother that I'll let you be until we make landfall."

She went and took the box from the shelf holding it like it were hot or poison before peeking inside or it. She would have smiled at the gesture if it wasn't done so under such circumstances. When she reached inside and pulled her hand back out, she had a pearl necklace with a large pink heart surrounded by three shappires.

"It took me two whole months to actually save up for it and I've had it since...well let's just say it's a few years old now."

Jack said as she finally looked up to see that he had crossed the room and was now right behind her. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the words escaped her at the moment. Catching her bearings, she finally put the necklace back in the box and back on the shelf before looking away from him.

"Jack I can't take that. I mean it's a nice gesture but...I...I don't deserve that from you."

He hung his head obviously not expecting her to turn it down. She touched his arms lightly and smiled sadly back at him.

"I saved you because I couldn't let something like a hanging happened to you. I care about you Jack, and I didn't do it to hopefully get anything from you."

She went to walk out the door again, but he caught her again and she sighed letting him thinking it was the last time he would. They remain like that for sometime until she gently released his hand.

"I better start packing Jack."

She was almost home free but he hoisted her upwards so that their chests were touching and she couldn't have gotten away if she tried. Then he kissed her like earlier but more desperate this time. She looked at her feet when it was over disappointed at her feelings for him.

"I'm...forgive me Anamaria."

He said breaking away from the embrace first, and then he spoke once more.

"It's not easy letting you go you know. I...I don't think this ship will ever be the same and I'm..."

"What?"

She had to ask when all she really wanted was to run away and pretend none of this had happened. The way Jack was acting, confused and unsure was not like him. This was a man who could charm anyone and get out of anything even with no plan. How was it letting her go making him act so differently?

"It's not easy letting you go because I care for you too Ana."

She almost choked on her next words wanted to spit out what he told Gibbs a few nights ago. Why didn't he just let her go back when she first started to leave. However, she thought it was now or never.

"What about what you told Gibbs the other night??"

He stared at her like she had grown another head. Apparently, the secret was now loose.

"You- you heard that? Is that why you won't talk to me and want to leave?"

She only nodded her head not brave enough now that he knew about how he felt for her. Jack lowered his head too.

"I lied Anamaria. I-I had to you see because it's not easy."

"What are you talking about?? What isn't easy Jack!"

"I'm in love with you Ana and I'm not...I'm not trying to get you hurt by telling you this."

His words were said so sincerely that she burst into another round of tears hating them but not fighting them. She stood there crying like a child at his words knowing they were true but never expecting to hear them. He wasted no time pulling her back in his arms and sitting down with her in his lap in a nearby chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and continued to cry. All this time and she thought she was invisible to him.

"Anamaria?"

Him saying her name caught her attention and she looked up with her tear-ridden face. He wiped at her eyes one at a time before pulling her closer. Who knew Jack Sparrow could be so gentle?

"How...how long have you kept this from me?"

He smiled before kissing her right hand and then wrapping his fingers within her own. She smiled watching him do so and waiting for his answer.

"Honestly...I put this how young William once did. I shoulda told ya from the moment I meant you."

She only continued to smile because she was afraid if she didn't there would be more tears and she was sick to death of them. She bravely initiated another kiss between them and when she pulled back rested her forehead upon his.

"The same for me you daft man. I think that day you saved me, I was in love with you and I hated you for it at first. I mean I never really hated you but you know what I mean."

Instead of saying anything back to her, he tried to pull her foreward some more, but as he did the chair flew backwards taking them with it. They were both silent as they checked themselves and each other for injuries before bursting into laughter.

"I guess we can't do that again."

She said giggling and moving to stand up, but Jack held her in place. She looked at him curiously before allowing him to hold her there.

"Don't move yet. In fact, I kinda like it better down here...wouldn't you agree luv?"

She blushed a little seeing as she was sprawled out on top of him with a broken chair underneath them. She went to cover the blush with her face turned away but he made her face him.

"Are you blushing Ana?"

She playfully punched him in the arm making him laugh before he kissed her once more.

"I really do love you and don't want you to leave."

"I'm not and I love you too...even if you do smell like rum all the time."

**soooo....what do you think...well if anybody reads it!!**


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